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The times he’s provided digital foreplay was simply to get me in the mood when I wasn’t, and his oral work is reluctant and half-assed, both of which make it difficult to enjoy. I’m not surprised that he’s not interested. He is not at all interested, and has also expressed that he doesn’t want to share me. He knows that I want to explore this side of me, and before I feel too old to be able to. I followed up with him after I had attended the munch. I brought the subject up to my husband before I attended my first munch, both as a way to broach the topic with him and as a matter of safety and disclosure. Had I known back in my 20s how tame my fantasies actually were and that there were plenty of people like me, my life’s trajectory might have been much different. I yearn to explore this side of me that, until recently, I’d always thought of as deviant. Over the past year or two, my interest in kink and BDSM has vastly increased. Hindsight has also made me realize how incompatible we are sexually, despite enjoying being physically intimate with him. He’s a good guy, the best friend I have, and I can see us growing old together. My husband and I have been together for over 20 years. Thanks for signing up! You can manage your newsletter subscriptions at any time. I’m more likely to wear contacts during sex, too, since I’m visual and enjoy eye contact. I haven’t “switched” to either side, per se, nor do I have to. I generally wear my glasses in daily life but change into contacts for extended periods outside (so I can wear sunglasses) and workouts. You could also adopt contact lenses for only certain activities like sex. You may find if you go this route that your erotic response actually elevates-inhibiting one sense can cause another to compensate (this is part of the rationale behind the use of blindfolds during sex). However, I have found that keeping my glasses on can make kissing and giving oral more awkward, so I tend to go in blind as a mole out a hole. He is living proof that you need not lose your sight upon losing your laundry. A performer in gay porn best known as Blake Mitchell made his black, thick-rimmed glasses his trademark, keeping them on while getting it on. In terms of your options, the sky is the limit. Though contrary to popular belief, people do make passes at boys and girls who wear them. You’re adorable, and it isn’t just the glasses. It seems like you’re in need of some man-on-man bonding I urge you to pursue it ethically. You say you don’t know if you identify more with the twinks or the daddies in the porn you consume(d)-why not give daddies a go? It could make this entire situation so much less fraught, and I’m sure you’d be able to find a horny guy around your own age to help relieve your tension. Forging any relationship beyond a sexual one would in all likelihood present further challenges. Generally speaking, within May-December pairings, there is a disparity in power and emotional development, so hooking up with any guy in his 20s could be playing with fire, especially given your own internal conflicts. I don’t think a guy in his 50s hooking up with a guy in his 20s is inherently abusive or evil-it is indeed a large subculture, as you’ve discovered-but I think you should stay away from your son’s friends for hopefully obvious reasons. You have a lot of anxiety about your interest in younger guys, with good reason, beyond your suspicions that this could all lead to child abuse. “Porn addiction” isn’t an actual American Psychiatric Association DSM diagnosis-a problematic relationship with porn that takes on features of addiction (keeping you from obligations, for example) is grouped in the realm of hypersexual disorders, which is to say that not using porn doesn’t necessarily mean you are “cured” of an underlying issue. If that is not your situation, I’d talk to my therapist about the porn addiction you say you had and kicked.